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Lucknow! You Don’t Follow Traffic Rules: Wake Up Now Or You’d Never.

Lucknow has since forever been the land of nawabs, doing what one wishes to and not being under anyone’s supervision is exactly how the little nawabs are brought up here. With all its glory and reputation it’s something really hard for the so-called nawabs to swallow the bitter truth that, they are way oblivious to the term called ‘civic sense’. (I hope you know what civic sense is! You do, right?) Well, to be frank, it’s tried and tested getting things inside the boneheads of Lucknowites is one Herculean task. It’s great to see the city developing but, I feel sorry for the city, as it’s not gonna be of any use. With such level of ignorance on the roads, no metro or bullet train would be able to solve the problem. It’s high time for the people of Lucknow to jiggle their common sense and bring out their civic sense to use (i.e if they have any) because it matters.

You won’t be rewarded for your lack of civic sense, try being sensible and follow the basic untold norms of the society. ‘Kar ke dekho achha lagta hai!’. This rant is solely dedicated to the audience of Lucknow for, they need special mention to get things through their thick brains. To say it in the desi language, “Bhai gaadi hai hawaa jahaaz nahi, to driver raho pilot na bano…Kya samjhe!!”

1. FYI Lucknow, cars come with a safety device called ‘seatbelts’. They are there to save much more than just “CHAALAANS”.

Ever paid attention to the straps next to the seats in your car? Well, unlike you, they are there for a reason. Well if you pull them across your chest and clip it in the hook on the other side of the seat, behind the handbrakes the setup becomes a life guard! (Just in case you did not know) See the thing is, they are there for your protection and not for decoration, better push off your laziness and use it or abandon your car and walk your way because knowing your awesome driving skills it’s a surety you might need it soon enough.

2. Oh yes! good that you know about, the low and high beams feature of your vehicle. Try learning when to use them too.

Using high beams inside the city! Like seriously. Well, you might not get the intensity of it but let me assure you, the fellow drivers do feel the intensity, to the limit of stopping their vehicle in the middle of the road and smashing that headlight of yours into your face. Maybe then, you would get how difficult it gets for other drivers to concentrate on the road with your headlight shining at them.

3. Ever wondered why indicators were not made automatic? Well, because it needs a brain to indicate before turning.

Like really!! What’s the use of you driving when you don’t even know when to indicate your turn. Indicating just before you turn..’Itna ehsaan bhi kyu kiya janab!’. Either learn how to drive on the roads without risking other people’s lives or, just give up the idea of driving completely, ‘Kyuki Tumse na ho payega!!’

4. You know what, take a little longer U-turn than going the wrong side. Your bike won’t die of the excessive workout.

You know what, driving on the wrong side to avoid taking the U-turn which is a bit ahead, is not at all sensible. Whats the use risking others’ lives while trying to save a bit of your petrol or time. Your life might not be of much importance to you but others’ have a life worth living. So, instead of trying to save your money try using your brain and take the proper U-turn.

5. The Roads don’t need your ‘paan’ art. Try your artistic skill at your home instead, you might get your ‘Bharat Ratna’.

We agree that Lucknow is full of talented people but show-casing the talent on the road is something disrespectful for your talent. So, try your paan-art at your home because, to be frank, no one is a fan of your art. Keep your shit in your house, the roads and the people don’t need to see how you are killing yourself.

6. See at times, you need to recall the number system you studied in preschool, One-way means ONE-way, not TWO!!

ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR… that’s how the number goes, do I need to remind you what it means because seeing the way you take the one-way signs on the roads, seems like you need to go to the preschool all over again. No? but you don’t know when the sign says one way it means the vehicles have to move in just one direction and not two.

7. Lucknow has a lot of parking spaces. Try giving your vehicle a cozy place instead of those lavish roadsides where you love to park.

Parking in the middle of the road!! have you ever wondered when you are busy enjoying your time in those shops people on the road are hurling all the possible abuses at you and waiting to beat the shit out of you once you are back!. If you don’t want to be seriously hurt someday try avoiding parking your vehicle in the middle of the road and make use of the parking lots.

8. Your relatives may be very dear to you but unfortunately, not everyone’s interested in knowing that. Greet them once you’re off the road.

This is something that irritates me to the last nerve, it’s the patience and upbringing that has stopped people from lodging in front of your vehicle and shout it out at your face, ‘Ghar nahi hai kya tere pass? vha kr lena mel milap! ye road hai bhai!!’. We are well aware that you have a lot of relatives whom you keep bumping in the middle of the road. Greet them, meet them, take them to your home only after you steer clear of the road.

9. The roundabout is not a hurdle, it’s the damn path, you won’t lose your precious race if you follow the path!

Come again! What’s that race you have participated in? No race? It doesn’t seem so!! The all-time hurry you are in, skipping traffic signals, flying over speed breakers and cutting through the roundabouts what are you trying to prove? Because despite all your efforts you reach late at your destinations, better follow what path has been set for easy movement than risking people’s lives.

10. Pedestrians, Not So Innocent! Are You?

Dear pedestrians, using sidewalks for walking won’t bring disgrace to you. What on earth, makes you avoid using the safe path and take a senseless stroll on the main road. Having an idea of your road sense, it really isn’t surprising to see you struggle your way across the road despite your super power to stop the speeding vehicles with just a gesture of your hand (seems like your powers are of no use). Next time, walk in the right lane or carry your first-aid with you for, you might end up needing it.

11. Did You Know? People have eyes too! So, try giving your melodious horns some rest in packed traffic jams in the future!

Ughhh!! Please STOP doing that. Are you an ignorant troop of baboons? When it’s clearly visible that the road in front is completely packed and the person standing in front of you can not move a bit to let you pass, what makes you blow the horn so fucking loudly? Do you intend to deafen the people around you? Or do you think your horn will make the mountains move? If nothing of such sort is on your mind then DON’T BLOW YOUR HORN, until needed of course.

Seems like you are close to getting what is so clearly said in this and if still, you did not get what all the fuss is about then please go wash your face, sit and read it all again for you need it the most. Don’t make us come to conclude that we were barking up the wrong tree the whole time. Don’t be offended it’s just our way of saying things and if you are offended well, it’s none of our business. (Boo-Hoo)

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